What Women Want

I’ve never really done a lot of dating in my life. Been mostly married. Recently, I find myself again in a situation of being single. I do have friends both men and women as I generally like people very much and it is not really that difficult to talk to people. I find there is a lot to like.

A couple of weeks ago I was working at a trade show and tried a little experiment. I have been accused of flirting many times so I thought I would really crank it up. For a period of about 2 weeks I really was quite overtly flirting with women – and being at a trade show there were many women of all ages available to flirt with. At the same time I have 3 friends, one of them new, that I just chat with regularly – no ‘come on’ or hitting on them at all.

What I observed at the show was that any woman that I was interested in was quite pleasant until I hinted at anything sexual. The women that I was not particularly interested in would comment in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways that they were available.

What I “discovered” was that it is best to just make friends. Leave the sex stuff out of it. That will be there for sure but it will be a lot better and a lot more often with a real friend. I say ‘discovered’ but I pretty much knew this already. But I was curious. I saw other men being more overtly flirtatious and wondered what would happen if I did this and what the response would be like. Well, one for one, their faces would cloud over the moment I treated them as an object. As long as I was interested in them as a person they were bright and responsive; the moment there was any suggestion of a sexual nature, the smile would falter and be a little less genuine.

I’m an attractive man – at least that’s what I’m told – in the job I have I get comments of this nature on a regular basis. As long as I accept a compliment graciously and don’t turn it into something sexual, everything is fine.

I have watched women get hotter many times faster with real, live communication than all the strutting and posturing.

I know there are many men and women out there who are more interested in the sex than working at any kind of relationship based on communication. There are as many reasons for this as there are people but many times it has to do with the fact that they are running their own lives on a ‘what’s in it for me’ basis.

Real, honest women want honest, real communication. Pay attention to them, not their bodies. For some men this may take some practice.

Find out what that women wants. You will really have to listen and pay attention to know what this is.

As far as the sex goes, I don’t really feel complete until the woman I’m with is completely satiated.

Short Term Marriages?

Several weeks ago I met a man from India, Kashmir – in the north of India, I think it was. We were discussing the short term marriages in North America. He didn’t really understand why people divorced so often. He thought that a major part of the problem was the inability or unwillingness of the individuals on both sides to compromise. I tend to agree with him that there does seem to be this feeling that if someone doesn’t fit their idea of what the perfect mate should be or once into the relationship they become aware of things that they weren’t before (and people do change) then one or the other may decide the person it not living up to their standards and do the ole dump routine.

My new friend said that the whole philosophy on marriage in India was that it really was a lifetime commitment. I think India has not had the psychiatric industry undermining marriage and relationships for the last 50 – 60 years so that the values and morals in this area remain high.

From what he said and other things that I have seen, Indian people will work harder at making a marriage work successfully, never considering the possibility of an alternative. Those people, and there are many in North America, don’t get me wrong – this conversation just brought this concept to light, there are many people that understand either consciously or unconsciously, that working and creating a relationship and not always going for the ‘instant gratification’ has much higher rewards. They are aware that the pleasures of creating together in life far outweigh the fact that one of you loves the opera and the other hates it.

I absolutely know that there are more than enough aspects of life that you do like and can create together to make it not only work but flourish.

Men, Women and Sex

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need
a place.”
–Billy
Crystal

Better Sex? Better Relationships? Better Both?

Doing something creative and constructive together in a relationship will hold it together as well or better than sex.

My best friendships of either sex have been forged and permanently set working with people on a common high purpose or goal; successfully overcoming obstacles to achieve that goal.

If your lives (you and your spouse) intersect only in the bedroom you may need something more. Sex is a creative urge and a strong one at that. Take that urge or drive and work together on some other aspect of your lives and you will find sex will come alive and life in the bedroom will be more passionate.

Find something that you can agree upon and that you both like. Make it something that will help or better families or some group that improves conditions. Do something – anything – together that will better life around you in some way and I guarantee that your marriage will be stronger and that you will be more attentive to your partner in the bedroom. The sex will be more passionate and creative for both of you.

As they say: “Your days will be productive and your nights will be passionate.”

Enjoy each other.

What makes sex good in a relationship? Part One.

As there are about 7 billion people on this planet now, then there are probably that many opinions or views as to what sex should be like in a relationship.  And that’s the problem isn’t it. We’re all looking at this from our own view.  Now, I imagine there are some fellows out there when they are wining and dining a woman who are really doing that because they know that’s what this girl wants and they are actually doing it for the other person – but many men, and I won’t rule myself out, are (not always but…) doing this from a selfish view – they want to get laid.  Now many women feel this with a man but they have to remember that this doesn’t mean that the man loves his spouse or girlfriend any less.  Generally, a man will want or need sex more often than a woman.  There is a pretty decent book on this – Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.  If you can just read through some of the psycho-babble.

The basic idea from this book and other ‘philosophies’ is that one needs to allow the other person to be who they are.  Your spouse may not see everything in life in exactly the same manner as you. They may not love the same movies or they may not like going for walks as much as you.  They may not want sex as much or the same way or as long. Ideally, you want to get these things worked out before you start a relationship but if you are in one already then it can still be worked out it just takes some communication and seeing the other for who they are not who you want them to be.  But it has to work both ways.

Something like this won’t work: “I like to smoke in the house so she’s going to have to allow me to be me!”   That’s just saying “screw you, I’m more important”.  That’s not going to take you very far in a relationship or in sex.  A woman going through the week with a sexually frustrated man will not be happy.   A man with a woman who is not getting the appropriate quota of cuddles is not going to be happy.  Hell it may even be the other way around – I’ve known more than one man who has complained that he can’t keep up with his wife sexually.  Again, he’s worried more about his needs or lack of than hers.  Put a little more attention on the other person.

- The Grey Mouser